Monthly Archives: June 2015

… waiting

Waiting has to be one of the biggest pains of life… just waiting.

I had to wait to find out what my graduation present was, I have to wait for my niece or nephew to be born, I have to wait to hear back from housing applications, I have to wait to hear back about the camp job, I have to wait for my orientation package that comes with bursary forms, I have to wait to hear back about scholarships/ awards I’ve already applied for… I have to wait.

They say patience is a virtue, and I can attest that it certainly is, and not an easy one. Everybody has virtues that they find easier than others– patience is not one of those for me. Even if I appear patient on the outside, I’m telling you full disclosure that it feels like a fiery worm is eating away my insides. Waiting is hard, and as an adult I know that sometimes it’s necessary… but its sooooooo hard (imagine that in a adult but whiny and petulant voice).

The seven virtues: chastity (doable), temperance (again doable… although harder with emotions), charity (not easy resource wise as a student but still doable), diligence (easy peasy), kindness (soooo easy… though slightly harder when it is someone you don’t like), humility (easy at times, hard at others), and patience… never easy, always hard.

Normally I do not rely solely on scripture, but something is telling me this time I might start there; so what does the bible have to say about waiting…

Genesis 29:20 “so Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her” **and the girl in me says “aww isn’t that so cute and romantic”… but this isn’t really helping me, the kind of impatience I’m talking about means the more you want something to come to fruition- the longer the wait seems.

Romans 8:24-26 “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”

** Okay I think we’re starting to get closer here… Pointing out the obvious irony of patience… it shows passion and desire, because you wouldn’t hope for something you already have- it gives people drive- maybe even a spiritual one.

Hebrews 11:13-16 “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

** they did not receive the things promised… okay- so maybe impatience is really just fear; a fear that you won’t receive what you expect to receive. Another part of this passage touches me as well “they were longing for a better country…”. It speaks to me because of a recurring feeling of not being home. I type these words as I’m sitting “at home”… but, while this is only slightly related to patience, it’s not really my home. Home is more than just a house- it’s cliche but its true, but its more than just a house and family as well. I grew up in this house, from 4 years old onwards to 18, I have fond and not-so-fond memories of my time here- and while I might have once called it home, I feel I am in constant limbo now. I am waiting to find a new home, a new community.

And so we’re back to waiting… although with this particular waiting- I don’t seem to be that impatient. Somewhere inside of me there is a sense of peace that comes from faith. Faith in God, and faith that someday I will have a place I call home. So I guess worldly short term patience is hard… really hard. Abstract, long term patience– its not easy, but its not hard either.

But hey… maybe the answer isn’t in trying to find a way to get rid of the desire to know… but rather in trying to live in the moment and let things come as they come.

liferain

Till next time, I guess you’ll just have to wait…