There is a lot people say about grief.
People say that everyone experiences it differently. Some say its all in your head. Some experience it prematurely, preparing themselves, and then nothing happens- or it does, and they realize there was no way to prepare…
I say… grief is a confusing thing, and some of what is said isn’t helpful, in fact some of what is said is damaging.
Some people find a hand on the shoulder or a friendly arm around their back to be comforting. I can say for one that I don’t. Some say that you need a community to help you through… I say that it can be helpful but you also need time alone. Community can be a source of distraction and that isn’t dealing with your emotions, it’s pushing them away.
When you meet a person, they become a part of your life, forever altering it’s course- whether by a little or a lot… even if you only meet them for a moment. I recently lost a friend. I knew him for far longer than a moment. He was part of my life every day from early childhood until the end of high school. We graduated elementary school together and parted slightly, going to two different high schools- we still saw each other every day waiting for the bus and around town. Then we parted a little more drastically, when we both graduated our respective high schools and moved on to our respective life paths.
He was in an ATV accident last friday, he didn’t make it. His fiance has a baby on the way- it’s a boy.
As I was grieving, I knew as hard as I had it, his family had it so much worse. He was a huge part of my life but in the past day, as my grieving seemed to be subsiding I realized something. I realized he was a part of my past, and that while I still said hi when we were both in town and might even stop to catch up– we had parted ways about 5 years ago. Him being gone- it hurts… a lot… but moving on with my life doesn’t mean I don’t miss him, it just means that I’m not going to live in the past.
I miss him yes, but he would hate to see anybody he knew miss out on life, and I would hate myself too if I did that. I won’t ever say hi to him again, or pass him on the street- but like I said, we parted ways- and I’m going to continue down my path.